The Invisible Fran Read online

  1. Franny’s House

  2. Hobby Day

  3. Back at the Lab

  4. Oh No, We’re Not

  5. Franny Tosses Her Cookies

  6. You Must Be Nuts. And Bolts.

  7. Wire You Looking at My Robot That Way?

  8. In the Gizzard of the Lizard

  9. Let Me Make Myself Clear

  10. Children Should Be Heard and Not Seen

  11. Sneaking Out to Join the Circuits

  12. The New Robot Is a Smash Hit

  13. Fools + Tools = Busted-up Schools

  14. Stupider and Stupider

  15. Franny Ketches Up to the Robot

  16. Here, Let Me Give You a Hand.

  17. Now You’re Cooking

  For Kevin Lewis and Julie Kane-Ritsch

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Senior Editor: Kevin Lewis

  Art Director: Dan Potash

  Managing Editor: Dorothy Gribbin

  Designer: Lucy Ruth Cummins

  Production Manager: Chava Wolin

  Editorial Assistant: Joanna Feliz

  CHAPTER ONE

  FRANNY’S HOUSE

  The Stein family lived in the pretty pink house with lovely purple shutters down at the end of Daffodil Street. Everything about the house was bright and cheery. Everything, that is, except the upstairs bedroom with the tiny round window.

  The window looked in on a bedroom, yes, but it was also a window into a laboratory: Franny’s laboratory. And Franny’s laboratory was spectacular.

  She had all of the things that you would expect any mad scientist to have. She had an electron microscope. She had a nuclear-powered brain amplifier. She had a giant, flesh-eating koala.

  And she also had a few extras, a few special things that made Franny feel that her lab was just a little bit better than average.

  Franny doubted that any other mad scientist had a spider enlarger or a disease simulator.

  “I’ll bet no more than half of them have an eyeball-removing machine,” she said, thinking how fortunate she was that she could pull her own eye out.

  But even if they didn’t have eyeball-removing machines or brain amplifiers or spider enlargers, Franny suspected that her friends—if given the chance—would love nothing more than to set up labs of their own and devote themselves to the pursuit of mad science.

  It was for this very reason that her teacher’s next assignment inspired Franny to help her classmates see the light.

  CHAPTER TWO

  HOBBY DAY

  Miss Shelly stood in front of the class. “We’re going to talk about hobbies. Tomorrow I’d like each of you to bring in something that represents your hobby or interest.”

  Surely, thought Franny, many of them don’t even have hobbies or interests, and even if they do, they’re probably the kinds of dull hobbies that hardly ever explode or eat the neighbor’s car.

  Franny raised her hand. “Miss Shelly, if somebody has a hobby that doesn’t involve massive amounts of electricity or sewing wings onto things that weren’t born with wings, will they still be allowed to participate?”

  Miss Shelly was accustomed to this sort of question from Franny.

  “Yes, Franny. Everybody will get to talk about their hobbies,” Miss Shelly said.

  Miss Shelly was always fair, but it seemed like a waste of time to Franny, who was absolutely certain that after a little exposure to mad science, the kids would drop their other interests like hot potatoes—hot, radioactive, poisonous potatoes.

  CHAPTER THREE

  BACK AT THE LAB

  Back at the lab Franny thought about what her presentation would be. Fortunately Franny had an assistant to help her with things like this.

  Igor was Franny’s dog and lab assistant. (He wasn’t a pure Lab. He was also part poodle, part Chihuahua, part beagle, part spaniel, part shepherd, and part some kind of weasly thing that wasn’t even exactly a dog.)

  Franny had told Igor about Miss Shelly’s assignment, and he was doing his best to make suggestions.

  He reminded her of the time she had brought a garden gnome to life and they’d had to stay locked in the bathroom until the police came. Igor thought the kids would like that.

  “I don’t want to take in a garden gnome,” she said.

  He reminded her of the time she had increased the vacuum cleaner’s power and had sucked her little brother inside out.

  “Mom made me promise never to do that again,” she said.

  He reminded her of the time she had engineered a cannibalistic hot dog that actually ate itself.

  “That was pretty good,” Franny said. “But there’s a kid in my class that always smells like hot dogs, and I don’t want that thing going after him. Besides, it needs to be something that everybody can relate to.”

  Franny walked over and looked at the dozens of devices she had recently invented. “Like this, Igor.” She picked up her toenail fungus translator. “You know, deep down inside, all kids want to communicate with toenail fungus, but they’ve never been able to.

  “Well, with this device, they finally can.” She put it in her backpack. “All the kids will love talking to fungus. I mean, c’mon, deep down inside, we’re all mad scientists, right?”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  OH NO, WE’RE NOT

  Miss Shelly looked around the room. Everybody was ready to talk about his or her hobbies. She pointed at Erin.

  “Erin, would you like to go first?”

  Erin jumped to her feet and started a tape player. As the music began, she performed a classic foot-stomping Irish dance.

  The students clapped.

  Franny raised her hand.

  “So, Erin, about these shoes of yours. Have you ever considered splicing in a sample of mutant kangaroo DNA? It might make you bounce around in an even more uncontrolled manner.”

  Erin looked at Franny for a momen.t. “My dancing is just fine, thank you,” she said, and took her seat.

  Next Miss Shelly invited Lawrence to the front of the class. He pulled an accordion from a big black case and played for a minute or two before Franny raised her hand.

  “Ah. Now this is much better. I’m certain that you could operate the keys in different ways to increase or decrease the amount of pain we’re experiencing around our ear regions. My question for you is this: Have you ever thought of making a larger version that you could attach to a satellite and use to broadcast this effect over a larger area?”

  Lawrence put the instrument back in the case. “It’s just an accordion, Franny,” he said. “I’ve been playing it since I was a little kid.”

  Next up was Phil. Miss Shelly held a large book open for him while he pointed out the various prize stamps in his collection.

  “This stamp is from England,” he said. “And this one is from Japan.”

  Franny raised her hand. “I don’t suppose you’ve considered altering these stamps so that they explode when people lick them, have you?”

  Phil shook his head. “No.”

  “Or doing something like transforming the postal carrier into a—oh, I don’t know—a nine-foot-tall scorpion man who spews acid from his stinger and can fly, for instance?”

  Miss Shelly closed the book. “Franny, Phil prefers regular, nonexploding, nontransforming postage stamps.”

  “Hold on,” Franny said. “Just hold on one second.” She walked to the front of the class. “Do you mean to tell me that none of you is the least bit interested in being a mad scientist?”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  FRANNY TOSSES HER COOKIES

  Igor sat patiently and listened to Franny.

  “Not one,” she said, dropping the toenail fungus translator on the floor. “In my whole class not one other kid has even thought about conducting
an experiment! Dancing, yes! Collecting, yes! Athletics, yes! But mad science, NO!”

  Franny continued her rant as she checked the progress of her various experiments. “One kid had a terrarium with a chameleon, but—get this—he doesn’t do any experiments with it!”

  Igor wasn’t crazy about chameleons since the first time Franny’s giant chameleon had tried to swallow him. But he shook his head and tried to appear as though he agreed with Franny.

  “I asked Miss Shelly if I could put off doing my presentation until tomorrow. After Billy shared his hobby, which is making pretty, pretty cookies, my heart just wasn’t in it. Pretty, pretty cookies. I mean, seriously, Igor, that has to be the dumbest hobby of all. Imagine doing all that measuring and mixing and waiting, just for pretty, pretty cookies. Look—he even brought some in for everyone.”

  Franny tossed her pretty, pretty cookies in the air and shot a sizzling death ray through them.

  “These kids are so misguided, Igor. They don’t know what they’re missing. Their interests are absolutely useless. Maybe nobody has ever really showed them why mad science is really the only hobby on earth.”

  Franny stopped and grinned broadly. “That’s it, Igor. It’s up to me to show them where they went wrong. I can show them what they should be interested in. And I can see it’s going to take more than a toenail fungus translator.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  YOU MUST BE NUTS. AND BOLTS.

  Franny consulted a book from her library called Mechanical Fiends and Hazardous Robots for Children. Ultimately Franny created things the way she liked them, but a quick glance at some plans always got things rolling.

  She worked most of the night, and with Igor’s help she had a creation that she was certain would bring the kids around to her way of thinking.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  WIRE YOU LOOKING AT MY ROBOT THAT WAY?

  Franny sat at her desk, grinning. She couldn’t wait to give her presentation.

  “Franny,” Miss Shelly said, “would you please come up here and show the class what you’ve brought in?”

  Franny walked confidently to the front of the class. She knew that the kids would take one look at the robot and abandon their ridiculous hobbies.

  She removed the sheet that had been draped over her creation. The kids gasped.

  It was a robot. A few lights pulsed slowly on its chest, and they could hear a soft hum coming from inside it. Its tiny square eyes seemed to blink.

  “Why does it have two heads?” one boy asked.

  “Two heads are better than one,” Franny said. “When it’s complete, those two heads will make it twice as smart as the next smartest robot. Twice as useful, twice as complicated.” Franny held up the robot’s blueprints for the kids to see.

  Miss Shelly said, “Franny, did you say that it wasn’t complete yet?”

  “That’s right, Miss Shelly. It’s not complete. I’m going to need other mad scientists to help me, other mad scientists from the class, perhaps. Are there any volunteers?”

  Billy raised his hand.

  Franny was smug. The first of many volunteers, she thought. “Yes,” she said. “You’d like to help?”

  “I would,” Billy said. “After you finish it, I mean. Then I can teach it to bake pretty, pretty cookies.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  IN THE GIZZARD OF THE LIZARD

  Igor just hated to see Franny depressed. He did his best to cheer her up. He juggled spiders. He dressed up like her mom. He even thought about letting the giant chameleon swallow him a little bit, since that always made Franny laugh.

  All Franny could talk about was her friends at school. “No volunteers, Igor. They all want to stick with their pointless little hobbies. They don’t get it. They don’t get it at all.

  “They don’t understand the thrill of an idea popping into your head out of nowhere, and then diving right in and making your idea just happen.

  “If only they could experience that,” Franny said.

  Just then the giant chameleon appeared, as if out of nowhere, grabbed Igor, and swallowed him.

  Even though she was depressed, Franny laughed a little and shook the chameleon until Igor fell out of its mouth. It’s hard not to laugh when a reptile eats your best friend.

  “You have to be more careful, Igor,” Franny said.

  Igor hid behind Franny.

  “You know the giant chameleon can camouflage himself. It’s practically like he’s invisible.”

  Franny’s eyes narrowed and a familiar grin stretched across her big, round face. “Invisible,” said Franny, and she nodded slowly. “That’s it. Invisible.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  LET ME MAKE MYSELF CLEAR

  The next morning Franny combined cellophane molecules with chameleon DNA and some disappearing ink. She ran the formula through an Antiscope, which is like a microscope, but it’s designed to make things harder to see. She poured the formula into a very, very clean glass.

  She gulped it down and ran to the mirror to see if it worked.

  She liked what she saw. Or, rather, she liked what she didn’t see, which was herself.

  The formula had worked. She was invisible, and it was time for school.

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHILDREN SHOULD BE HEARD AND NOT SEEN

  Invisible at school. The temptations are hard to resist, especially for one with a mind as inquisitive as Franny’s.

  She had a quick peek in the school’s cafeteria kitchen.

  She zipped in and had a look in the principal’s office.

  She stopped in briefly to find out exactly what the teachers were doing in the teachers’ lounge.

  She found all of the locations fascinating, but she had to get on to the next phase in her plan: to get the kids to devote themselves to mad science in a way that Franny knew she should force them to want to.

  Franny strolled into her class completely unseen. She walked up to Erin—who was reading—and whispered in her ear: “I think I’d like to have a look at Franny’s robot again.”

  Erin set down her book and looked around, confused. “I-I guess I’d like to have a look at Franny’s robot,” she said, believing that she had thought what Franny had whispered. She walked over to the mechanical creature and began looking it over.

  Next Franny did the same thing to Lawrence and Phil, and they, also believing the thoughts were their own, walked over and joined Erin.

  Franny whispered to Phil, “It would be great if this robot had a huge, crushing hand, don’t you think?” And Phil repeated exactly what Franny had said. Franny moved Erin’s and Lawrence’s heads to make it look like they were nodding yes.

  All afternoon Franny kept giving them one idea after another. She also checked and double-checked that the adjustments they were making were correct. Erin, Lawrence, and Phil got more and more excited as they worked on the robot, believing that they were the ones responsible.

  By the end of the day Franny was exhausted but happy. She had made a lot of progress on the robot, and her friends thought that they had contributed.

  Back at home Franny took the invisibility antidote and told Igor all about the experiment. “It was a little bit funny, Igor. They really thought they were working on the robot. Of course they’re not qualified to do anything that complicated yet,” she said. “I’m not sure that Phil could even put batteries in a flashlight.

  “But they had fun, and it boosted their confidence, and maybe now they’ll stop wasting time on those ridiculous diversions.”

  Franny climbed into bed and drifted off to dream her mad science dreams, unaware that back at school something quite mad, but quite unscientific, was about to happen.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  SNEAKING OUT TO JOIN THE CIRCUITS

  Erin, Lawrence, and Phil crept quietly into the school. They were wearing outfits unlike any they had worn before. They were dressed like mad scientists.

  They had tools and notes and devices that no real scientist would use to finish a partia
lly built robot.

  And yet that is exactly what they intended to do.

  They surrounded the robot and waited for one of those brilliant “thoughts” to pop into their heads. But Franny wasn’t there with her invisible whispers, so they just stood there, looking at each other.

  After a while Phil became impatient and decided to pretend to have a brilliant thought. “It should be able to squirt ketchup from its nozzle right here,” he said. The other two nodded.

  “It needs to be able to extend this, like so,” Erin said, also faking an idea.

  “And I have a few changes I think we should make to its brain,” said Lawrence, who sometimes had trouble changing his pants, much less a robot’s brain.

  “We are totally mad scientists now,” Erin said as she pulled carelessly at wires in the robot’s chest.

  “There’s nothing to it,” Lawrence said, recklessly joining circuits inside one of the robot’s brains.

  “And Franny hardly did any of the work on this robot. It’s really more our robot than hers,” Phil added, and the robot beeped.